© get this straight © A RAY ef hepe appeared in my mail the other day. It wasn’t a big one, but these days even the tiniest rays are welcome. Especially where the English language is concern- ed. I refer to an announcement that Canada Post had won the 1987-88 Doublespeak Award, given by the Canadian Council of English: Teachers on account of the post Office’s outstanding abuse of English. The news came in a Simon Fraser University press release and was triply cheering. First, it is a marvellous thing that somebody is riding herd on the gobbledygook to which the bureaucracy is prone. Second, it is gratifying to learn that there are still some teachers of English. I thought they had all taken up shoemaking or other arts about 40 years ago. Third, it warms my gills to think that someone at one of our universities cares about English. After all, academics can be even worse than bureaucrats and politicians when it comes to murdering the tongue that Shakespeare spoke. Numerous examples of Canada Post's skill in fuzzification were provided by Professor Richard Coe, who chairs the awards com- mittee, The Canada Post P.R. people had announced plans ‘“‘to streamline and enhance’’ mail col- lection in Vancouver. There were also going to be ‘‘more places....to post your mail.’? But what was re- ally meant was that there were go- ing to be fewer places, since the idea was to remove about a fifth of the city’s mail boxes. Also, the ‘number of collections per day was to be reduced. Residents want From page 5 Page said that the parking lot would encourage more hikers to come to the area, thereby exacer- bating the existing problems. “Our original intent was to not have people hiking in our watersh- ed at all,’? agreed Prescott. “If I had my own way, that would be my choice.”” Though the village can't restrict “Streamtine,’’ in other words, was made to mean reduce, as was ‘“‘enhance,’’ and ‘“‘more’’ was made to mean ‘‘fewer.’? No mean achievement. (How do English as Second Language students figure out that kind of stuff? How do English as First Language students do it?) Baa English is no joke. It can be a matter of life or death.’”’ Health Minister Jake Epp war- ranted a Doublespeak mention in dispatches for saying that ‘‘a small ratio of mice in fact died'’ — a reference to the poor things having been injected with an extract from contaminated mussels to test how poisonous the mussels were. What he meant was: “Six mice were injected and six died,’’ mean- ing that if you had eaten the same shellfish you would have stood a good chance of being packed in your box and sent to heaven. Bad English is no joke. It can be a matter of life or death. If an air traffic controller can’t put his tongue around the right words, it could be your bad luck if you happen to be in an airliner. At the other end of the scale the politicians are sometimes redun- dantly clear. When George Bush received the Republican nomina- hikers excluded access to the area except after 10 days of high fire hazard, it can tow cars on Sunsct Drive that violate the no-parking prohibition. ““We made the mistake of going . ahead with this without consulting those that are nearest,’’ conceded Prescott, saying he would call the forestry department and ask them to put the parking lot plan on hold for the time being. Fy There's not a window in your house that wouldn't look better dressed in the ENERGY SAVING, MONEY SAVING lean, clean Hines of Abbey Classic blinds. Energy efficient Classic - in an entire spectrum of col- ours, pearlized, jewels, metallics, textures and wood grains ~ are even more attractive at these very special savings. coy 4 é DRAPERIES * VERTICAL BLINDS » MINI BLINDS PLEATED SHADES « BALLOON SHADES * WALLPAPERS PERSIAN AND BOKHARA RUGS * REUPHOLSTERY 926-8819 TF rcn0Rs 10 a.m. to 5 om, 1441 CLYDE AVE. WEST VANCOUVER tion for president, the New York Times reported him as saying: “Thank you. Thank you very much, Thank you so much. Thank you so very much. Thank you very very much. Thank you all. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very, very much. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very, very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ‘Thank you very, very much.” The courts are not exempt from criticism, either. Judges frequently refer to ‘‘the true facts’’. But how can any facts be untrue? Aren't facts facts? We spend uncounted billions on education, and what do we get for it as far as the language is con- cerned? Illiteracy, judging by that Southam survey in which 30 per cent or more of Canadians were reported as not knowing their let- ters. That makes a good argument for firing the whole bloody teaching establishment and starting again. Yet we have education bureaucrats in West Vancouver telling us grammar should take second place to writing and re-writing. (Bob Overgaard, associate superintend- ent, School District 45, North Shore News, Feb. 26, 1988.) Oh well, spelling is also out of fash- ion, no dowt. Things worsen by the day. Even the media’s performance is miserable. But that shouldn't be surprising, considering that the present generation came'te flower in the hippie and post-hippic periods when ‘‘Hey man!”’ and “Right on!’’ became the acme of articulate expression. @ SALE FALL IS A GREAT TIME ps 9 - Wednesday, October 12, 1988 - North Shore News on the North Shore since 1955 pants Mas SERVICE PARTS & SERVICE FOR: MAJOR APPLIANCES Parts Dept. 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