Dou Collins on the other hand WILTING VIOLET though I am, I have to confess that f am the subject of discussion Down East. Diane Francis of the Financial Post, Peter Worthington of the Toronto Sun, and Lorrie Goldstein, also of the Sua, have all had me on the dissecting table. So have a cou- ple of American publications. Most of it hus to do with the complaint laid against me by the Canadian Jewish Congress under the terms of the B.C, Human Rights Act, which should be renamed the Kill "Collins Act or the Never Call A Spade A Spade Act. Former buddy Allan Fotheringham has now joined the throng. J figure i in a column of his in Maclean's. magazine: He thus revives a long-ago contest. And I thought he was dead! _ Some of what he had to say — but not much — was flattering, ina backhanded ‘sont of way. But'as usual ‘he could get nothing right. He even refers to the North Shore News as a “smail, West Vancouver weekly." Some background: about 100 years ago we were co-conspirators on the Vancouver Sun, but contrary to his liberal expectations [ tumed out, he says now, to be “the Rush Limbaugh" of my time. “A left-winger gone off the rails; “a ‘one-time labor reporter and mem- _ ber of the glorious proletariat who “became a running dog of capital- sm." .. What does Collins do now? Foth -says [stand up for “such nuts as ‘Emst Zundel” and “would have the. “Test us believe that the Nazis weren’t ‘as bad as the rest of us think.” : The great doctor therefore takes up the cudgels where we dropped them in the 1970s. The unequal contest began when eur hero came in late one night, slightly the worse for wear and won- dering what to write about, He decided that | would make a good subject, being by that time a fallen angel and beyond redemption, He invented (0, Specteuuin, a Swedish shrink who specialized in finding out what makes people like me veer from left to right and betray all that is dear to the World of Foth. ‘The shrink contessed himself baffled. As far as Collins was con- cerned, said Fotheringham., Spectruum supposed it was like try- ing to reason with a bulldog, I might also have had something to do with the war. A litte bang-happy, perhaps? On reading all this | cried with joy and went into the attack mode. To suckle fools and chronicle small beer was a waste of time, E wrote in my next missile, but his inanities must be dealt with, I felt sorry for Foth, [ sabbed, but that would not prevent me from _ kicking him in the gonads, We of the lower classes are like that. I called hirn Lith Lord Whimsey and pointed out that he wore velvet corduroy suits just like Little Lord Faunticroy. And when he wasn't oir os er being Fauntleroy he was being Archi: Rice, the song and dance nan baunting the halls in search of past glories. | was beating him in the reader ratings, you see, hence his discombobulation, “Donly have to sit at my comput er and look over my shoulder” T wrote, “and there is Whitsey, the fadge, peering about in the hope @ picking up a few tips.” As for my proletarian background, it was bet- ter than being a little snob from Gopher Prairie. And didn’t i have a doctorate in international affairs, camed at the University of Dunkirk in 1940? To me this skirmish was a joke, to be topped off by gin for two at the press club, But for the next nine months Foth wouldn't speak to me. Now he returns to the contest. He is a good gag writer. Good enough (o warrant a job with Bob Hope. as | once told him. Asa ‘reporter, though, he would make z _ good dishwasher, There are so many mistakes in _and Windstar Cruise. From Alaska to Europe. Anywhere from 7 to 0 85 days, there are special savings waiting for you . FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL 1325 Marine Dr. North Van. 984-6122 DEREK A. CAVE Trial Zawyer Get the settlement #508, Kapilano 100 Building 100 Park Royal, West Van. you deserve. 925-7880 NG IT TO OUR FRONT DOOR! Fly by float plane from Vancouver to ‘Hastings House for just $55. The next time you're planning an island getaway, skip the ferry lineups and fly - practically to our front door! For just $55, we'll fly you by Harbour Air from Vancouver Harbour or Vancouver Airport to Salt Spring island, the home of our award-winning ocean front hideaway. Indulge yourself in the gracious charm of our 11 individually-appointed guest suites and savour the mouth-watering delights of our exceptional cuisine. It’s the perfect flight of fancy! For more information and reservations, Call: (604) 537-2362 or call toll-free: \-800-661-9255 or write to us at: Hastings House, ’ 160 Upper Ganges Road, Salt Spring island, British Columbia, Canada V8K 252 Hastings House | A Country House Hotel on Salt Spring Island British Columbia, Canada RAISE CHATRAUX his columa f don't have the space ta list Hiean ail. His account af how | came to write the book about my war-time escapes from Germany (lunches with Foth) is wholly imagi- nary, Lhad tefl the Stat for che first time seven years before LOW. 66] felt sorry for Foth, | sobbed, but that would not prevent me front kicking hien in the gonads. We of the lower classes are like that. 99 appeared. He even gets the title of the book wrong, And Twas not in Ploesti when the Yanks bombed that oil cen- tre in their great low-level raid. It follows that they didn’t “almost kill me” there. Twas almust killed on several occasions but that was not one of them, As formy “championship of such nuts as Ernst Zundel,” it is free speech that f champion, aot Zundel, That's why [appeared for the defence when he was charged with “spreading false news.” Foth should bave done the sume thing, seeing that he is SO good at spreading false news himselé. Alas, he was too busy’ attending Liberal cock- tail parties. In the end, the Supreme Court ef Canadit agreed with me. Perhaps it too was defending nuts? My former buddy states that fam “reduced” to writing for this “smait West Vancouver weckly. But it is Foth who is reduced. He is reduced to writing for Maclean's, which someone once described as “the CBC in print.” The News has 10 times the guts of Canada's national magazine. If Foth behaves himself, he too may get a spot on this paper. But he will first have to learn how to be a good reporter. Your child will ] gain one full ade fevel Pe in 36 his. 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