26 - Sunday, May 11, 1986 - North Shore News Respond properly to guarded courtes y ; DEAR: MISS Manners — On my way to work, as I drive _ past the entrance of the headquarters of an international organization;'a guard always holds up his hand to stop any cars approaching from its garage. I consider this an ex- tremely gtacious, albeit extravagant, courtesy on the part of the organization in question. Tam an able-bodied, 37-year-old man, however, quite capable of fending for myself in this situa- tion, which is to say that the guard fs doing me no real favor, com- pared to a doorman who opens a° ‘door for me at a hotel. GENTLE READER — Clear? You call that clear? ‘If you wish to know how to pick up a male guard on duty while driving past his building in an — automobile, for heaven’s sake say so.. Preferably to some other col- umnist. a their homes and communities. A tremendous amount of effort is expended by both groups to make representatives of the other feel perfectly dreadful. Salaried ladies boom,‘‘But what do you do?” at unsalaried ladies who, succumbing to the implica- tion that' only jobs can make them glamorous and interesting, - grow - either wretched or defensive when owning up to being a housewife: ‘Miss Manners would be hard put ‘ to decide which, is more pathetic — those who belittle themselves’. by using. t hve title of Otherwise, Miss Manners fails to // “Sjustahousewife’’, or . those who see what the ‘guard’s ‘gender’ or/ ‘personal qualities have to do with ‘this, except that. you should ‘be, careful not to drive'into any walls while admiring them. Nor does able-bodiedness have anything | whatsoever to. do with traffic’ pat- terns or deferential ° courtesy, to know why, if you’re so able- bodied, you need a doorman: to. ‘, open adoor. An our Zellers Gigantic | ‘ Holiday.’-Sale®: “flyer: ‘sale’ |’ - dated. May 14-17°0n Pg. ‘|e. #23 the pictures of the in- fants’. sunsuits -& the -in- -: fants’ shortie PJ's, have been. reversed. »:We- apologize for any. inconve- a “ nience™ this’: may.” have : ~ "|: caused our customers. ° -Yes, thanks: are called for. The QL way- to: indicate. gratitude for a--, toad courtesy, if the other person - will not be ‘able to see the usual smiling nod or waved hand, is to call out “‘thanks’* as you go by. ‘we. “momentarily © tear try to make housewifery sound like -~ paid: employment: by ‘saying they . are domestic management consul- . tants. In! either case, there is an ‘unnecessary... concession’. of .- in- feriority.. Layee "Meanwhile, the’ unsalariéd: ladies ; although Miss Manners. is curious : late - equally on the’ ‘offensive, booming ‘How do-you manage?" at the salaried: ladies in a: way in- tended to imply that’ these people have sacrificed the decencies’ of * personal: or: ‘family life in order: to:* lixtiriate: wickedly. vin the“joys of ™ labor, 0. The défenses - 25 whether it takes:the form of bragg- ing of the multiplicity: of domestic perfections. performed :in addition to the: job, or of weeping. that the ‘away from the interesting. ‘stitur f, how: ‘gentlemen should. he Premier. ‘Boys Team Ned can : Under 11 born 1976 phone Brian Hanson 929- 6904 : Under 10 born. 1977 phone | Bob Shaw 929-6370 omens Day. Special A flower for every Mother! 10% Off any pick-up except super. specials 4337 Marine Dr. West Vancouver’ on . ., OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK MON TO THURS © ATS0AM 0 1904M FRI 8 SAT. 1130 3044 70 200A SUN E HOUDANS © anny TOLMPY: beu WvERY APTER SODPL | [ITALIAN Foop s26-7762 7 own gender, married ladies ‘can make single ladies feel that they are missing all the fun, and vice versa; and those with children can similarly vie with those who are childless. All of this unkindness and resulting misery is, in Miss Man- ners’ opinion, rude and presump- tive. It seems, perfectly obvious to her. that different individuals will choose to order their lives dif- ferently, and stupidly arrogant to Suggest that someone who does not live as one does oneself is in error. . Surely any gender that has expe- rienced one-size-fits-all pantyhose should know better than to at- tempt to apply that concept to the major decisions of life. : Ironically, this form of rudeness arises, Miss Manners believes, from a tradition of special courtesies that ladies hate long X= . experience hibited to one another. More than gentlemen, ladies have been generous in offering practical help, advice and the benefit of their wisdom, taste and to friends of their gender. Miss Manners is far from condemning the sensitivity and concern this represents. The danger is when anyone begins to feel that she knows better than another what is good for that person. What may be kindly of- ‘fered in support, is, if given the weight of rightness, used to crush. : Each lady, Miss Manners. asserts, must make her own choices among the available possibilities in the way of family and occupation. ‘And every other lady who wishes to behave proper- ly will have, to treat these decisions with ‘as much. dignity and respect as her < own choices... an YOUR AD_ IN 800,000 HOMES! Gall our classified ‘department to place your. ad in- more than: "70 newspapers of the BS. & 1 Commisnity Newspapers Association. “one. call does it. al 25 WORDS. $119 The Sylph method of slimming i is your answe to getting back into shape quickly and easily. At Figure Dynamics you can, accomplish in'a “few months what could take over ‘a, yeal to duplicate’ ina gym: Our methods’ are proven by thousands of satisfied customers. We offer a free session to to any ladies who ate - interested. :