toe wane? 38 ~ Sunday, December 25, 1988 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES ignore rudeness on hristmas Day, please AS A Christmas present to Miss Manners, could everyone manage, just for the day, to let etiquette vio- lations pass unremarked? Let us presume that you are hav- ing the typical Canadian Christmas dinner with your loved ones. Hap- py to be reunited on this sacred occasion, the various relatives greet one another joyously: miss manners Judith Martin You look awful.” “Well, well, still not married, eh? Any prospects?”’ “When are you going to teach that child to behave?”’ “I see you’ve put on some weight.”’ -“That’s some car you’ve got there. What did it cost you?” “They give you a promotion yet?”? ‘*What happened to that girl you brought around last year — she dump you?” Having thus set the mood, the family exchanges those tangible symbols of thoughtfulness known as i: presents. “Is it exchangeable?”’ “T couldn't think of what to get ou.”” “This isn’t going to fit.’ ‘*Where are the batteries?” “I figure you already have everything.” Next on the festive schedule is the traditional holiday dinner. Several people have already wandered into the kitchen to ask what’s for dinner; some have of- fered to help but drifted off without finishing a task; and one person has been righteously reset- ting the table in the belief that it was not done correctly by the hosts. Finally, the family has gathered at the table. ‘‘Make it quick, before the game starts.” “1 hope we're not having a lot of heavy stuff; you know that disagrees with me.” “Last year I didn’t get a drumstick. I never get a drumstick.” “Why didn’t you just use paper napkins? It’s only family.” Santa gives From page 37 happy disposition is a contagious state of being. I also love my job. MB: What do you do during the off-season? SC: Well, I try to keep my weight in check. In the summer, my elfin associates and Mrs. Claus fike to go sailing. I even tried windsurfing for the first time this year. MB: What’s your main message, “How can you eat like that? That stuff is going to kill you.” “Yuck. What is this?’’ “I'll smoke if I please. Who are you to tell me what to do?’’ “Can the children have peanut butter sandwiches instead?’’ After dinner, people settle down with a scuse of well-being. “I ate too much. Why didn’t you stop me?’* “Oh, just leave all that. You’ve probably been cooking for days, haven’t sat for a minute; you ought to take a rest. You can get all that later.”’ ‘*Ma, can we go home now?”’ But it is before all this happens that Miss Manners’ Christmas present should be delivered. Then it will have been, in spite of everything, a pleasant holiday. Miss Manners does not deny that every single one of the above remarks is not only an etiquette violation but heavy provocation to retaliate. She is aware of the remarks welling up in those who were less than politely addressed: “Pll get married when you two stop squabbling and get a divorce.” “I knocked myself out finding something you would like, and you didn’t even try?”’ “We're not interested in your kooky notions of what everyone shouid eat.’* “Stop you? A truck couldn’t stop you when you go after your food.” Yes, wanting to give these re- joinders is understandable. But do- ing so is unacceptable. The cause of etiquette is not served by responding rudely to rudeness. pots, it’s Miss Manners’ day off. DEAR MISS MANNERS — How does one handle the problem of christmas carolers? 1 am not sure what to do when 2 group of strange people, usually in various stages of intoxication, suddenly blasts me out of my easy chair with a deafening rendition of ‘‘Jingle Bells’’ cr whatever. Am I supposed to open my door and greet them, or give them money, or what? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is sorry to hear that you had such a grumpy Christmas Eve. You are supposed to offer them wassail, but under the cir- cumstances, perhaps that would not have been wisc. How about hot chocolate or just Christmas cookies? Anyway, at least open the window, wave, say ‘‘Merry Christmas’? and “Thank you.” Otherwise they'll never move on to the next house. DEAR MISS MANNERS — What is the proper way to respond to someone who has given you a totally useless Christmas gift? For example, if a close friend gives you a set of towels which are the wrong color for your bathroom, is it pro- per to ask if they could be ex- changed? GENTLE READER — The proper response is ‘‘Thank you.’’ That is the way we respond to all a message Santa? SC: I suppose the core concept is that people should love and take care of each other. The goodwill sentiment that the marketing peo- ple spend so much effort on generating at this time of year can be sustained throughout the year. It just takes a little work. I wish everyone peace and a happy and presents, whether we like them or not. Then you may cliange them for whatever you please, or, if that is not possible, save them to take to the beach. Sand goes with everything. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Each year I receive small gifts from my young students, thanking me for being their teacher. I have always sent thank-you notes for these small gifts. This, I may add, gets to be expensive and time- consuming. Each year when I do it, I ask myself if i¢ is correct to thank a child for thanking me. GENTLE READER — As a matter of fact, it is not only cor- rect but obligatory to thank anyone for a present, even if the present is sent in thanks. But even if it weren’t, Miss Manners would be concerned about a teacher who was willing to teach children, by example, that a human quality such as apprecia- Cl OL. Ge tion ought to be weighed against the expense of paper and stamps (you could always save stamp money by slipping an envelope to the child, taking care that other children who might not have sent presents didn’t see) and the waste of human resources involved in writing ‘I appreciate your kind- ness’’ a dozen times. Next year you could solve the problem more easily by announc- ing, well in advance of Christmas, that you do not think it ap- propriate to accept presents from your pupils. Selecting and buying presents really can be expensive and time-consuming. DON’T SMOKE LEASED SPACE REQUIREMENTS - NORTH SHORE The Corporation wishes to lease apprax- I imatety 1,922 m2 (20,693 square feet) of of- fice and related space for a Health Centre. The preferred location is centred approx. alone building, multt-lavel is acceptable and le occupancy is preferred. Dedicated banking for 55 vehicles is required. Gross tumkey proposals which inchide the intenance Interested parties should telephone Maureen F Uphill in Victoria at 387-7404 to obtain the | specification be submitted by 9:00 a.m.. § Propasais should geruary 23, 1988S, to: , Lease N British The Cosporation .reserves the sight to negotiate any proposal and the lowest or any proposal will not necessarily be accepted. “B.C, Buildings:Corporation ° o Os JANUARY ance of 7 A great opportunity to own fine quality home furnishings at great reductions. Our entire gallery stock is on sale. Bedroom, Dining room & occasional tables, sofas, love seats, chairs. 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