4 - Friday, May 15, 1992 - North Shore News

A taxing time
for those of
us in Greater

Tiddlycove

WILL I soon become the
North Shore News’ first
foreign correspondent?

Trevor
Lautens

GARDEN OF BIASES

The above should have been
preceded by a sign: Warning —
Wry Joke Ahead.

All right, you still wouldn’t
have laughed.

You see, in the days of my
young reporterhood in beautiful
downtown Hamilton, Ontario, the
scribblers lucky enough to be
assigned to exotic suburbs like
Hannon, Stoney Creek and
Fruitland were jokingly called
“foreign correspondents.’’ Maybe
they still are...

Today, ! am seriously wonder-
ing if I can afford to live in West
Vancouver.

I may have to reassign myself to
Maple Ridge. Or some other
“cheap’’ suburb. Or Brandon,
Manitoba, which showed up on a
list a while ago as the city with the
lowest real estate prices of any
sizable place in the country.

Of course there’s an alternative.
Death by my own hand.

It has its attractions. My corpse
would still be warmer than if I
were alive in Brandon.

Why this despair? Why this ex-
istential angst and all that?

Because | have seen the future,
and it is broke.

Fellow West Vancouverites, you
are soon to get your 1992 tax bill.
And it will fall upon you like a
ton of bricks. .

My face twisted with disbelief, I
checked recently published figures
with Margaret Waller, our shy lit-
tle viliage’s deputy collector of
(axes.

The numbers are devastating.

The average assessed value of a
West Vancouver property is
$393,000. The average tax will rise
24%,

The person who paid $2,348 on
that chunk of paradise in 1991
will pay $2,914 this year.

But hold on. That isn’t all.
West Vancouver has the jolly
habit of submitting a separate bill
for utilities: water, sewer, garbage

collection, recycling.

That bill, on average $392 last
year, will rise to $427 for 1992.

Put the two together, and you
have a 1991 total tax bill of
$2,740 for that average property.

The 1992 figure, soon to arrive
from a municipal hall near you,
will be $3,341 — a qne-year jump
of $601.

in comparison, Vancouver city’s
rise of 20.5% translates into an
average increase of about $250.

Richmond's percentage rise is
even steeper than Greater Tid-
dlycove's —~ about 30%. But that

works out to a mere $199.

As we would all agree, Van-
couver and Richmond are filthy,
Calcutta-level slums compared
with our dream town by the sea.

The above figures assume you
don’t get the tax break given to
property owners over 65. As is
well known, it’s lucky to be old.

The dramatic change, as is also
well known, is largely due to the
kindly New Democratic provincial
government’s removal of the sup-
plementary homeowner’s grant.

Own town hall, like others, is
bracing for a fusillade of com-
plaints when tax notices go out,
probably next week.

It will send out explanatory
brochures with the bills. Or, as
some might unkindly say, its alibi.

In fact there is a suspicion afoot
that, under cover of the criticism
levelled at the socialist horde in
Victoria, some dastardly
municipalities are quietly sneaking
in some cost increases of their
own.

Perish the thought.

What is happening is well
known.

1. Canada’s economy is bucki-
ing.

2. Its wealth base is retreating.
3. The prophets who have look-
ed into their crystal balls since the
recession began in 1990 and who
have repeatedly predicted that a
recovery is ‘‘just around the cor-
ner”? should have their balls con-
fiscated.

4. Or else our economy has got
so many corners it must be at
least an cctagon.

5. Government assures us that
the inflation rate has plummeted
to under 2%.

6. They are obviously cooking
the books,

7. The recession reportedly cost
405,000 jows in Canada.

8. The workers who still have
them are being squeezed to sup-
port those who don’t.

9. The United Nations declares
that Canada is the world’s best
country in which to live, the !n-
ternational Monetary Fund
predicts that in 1993 Canada’s
economy will grow faster than
that of any country in the indus-
trialized world, and many respect-
able economists praise us for hav-
ing stripped down our inefficient
and uncompetitive industries,
pared down the fat, toughened up
the muscle, and thus Canada is
poised to thump its chest and leap
forward to take on the world.

(If this is true, the heavyweight
champ should prepare to defend
his title by shrinking down to the °
flyweight level.)

10. Canada’s governments,
grovellingly contrite for their years
of criminal waste and
mismanagement, are apologizing
for it by taxing us more.

Thus we come to what might be
called the 11th Commandment:

11, Send in your cheques.

Our summer nanny has arrived
(let’s have a big West Vancouver
welcome for Sarah Elvins of the
aforementioned beautiful
Hamilton and a Queen’s Universi-
ty student) and brought with her a
gift for our young children — a
tent.

The kids better keep their eyes
on it. Let's see, if I snatched it
and set it up in the bush, and
slept diagonally with my fcet out
of the corner...

f might be able to afford to stay
in West Vancouver.
SECRETS 23

Handsworth
claims first
im physics at
UBC event

"Sonata surprised everyone with it's roomi-
ness, quality and all-round performance. It
was the quickest through the slalom beating
even the nimble (Volkswagen) Passat and
several drivers rated it tops in the fun to drive

category...”

HANDSWORTH SECOND-
ARY school in North Van-
couver has won the University
of B.C. Physics Olympics for
the second year in a row.

Handsworth managed to
beat out 33 other schools from
across the province io capture
first place in the annual com-
Petition, which was held May ?
at UBC.

A second North Vancouver
school, Argyle secondary,
placed fourth.

Each school is represented by
five students who this year

more.

Popular Mechanics, April 1992
"Americas Best Family Sedan*

competed in- six different
events.

In one event the teams had
to build a cart that had to be
powered by two separate one-
kilogram weights. The cart had
to go exactly 10 metres on its
power source.

In other events, the teams
were presented with situations
where they had to salve prob-
lems quickly.

The winning Handsworth
team was made up of Arezoo
Nasiry, Carol Newton, Rubens
Rahim, Vicki Tong and Sandie
Wong.

Comes with: 2 fitre 126 HP DOHC 16
valve engine. Michelin all'season radials.
ETR AM/FM stereo cassette with 4
speakers. 5 yr/100,000 km Major
Component Warranty. And much much

" a. car that should be on

everyone

"A landmark car for Hyundai...offering contem-
porary tachnology. Twin this with a car that
has very good dollar value and you have a car
that should be on everyone's shopping list.”

Graeme Fletcher,
TSN's Motoring 92

[EDHYUNDA
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!

i
LG

shopping list."

ATIC

OM)

Includes: 1.6 litre 113 HP DOHC 16 valve
engine. Michelin all season radials.
Power steering. Power brakes. 4-wheel
independent suspension. Remote trunk

and fuel filler door releases. 5 yr/106,000 _
km Major Component Warranty. And

much much more.

700 MARINE DAIVE
NORTH VANCOUVER
Telephone: 984-7044