Q. MY WIFE and I have
been married for 43 years,
most of them happy ones
indeed.

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTH

We had a great sex life until she
decided we should give it up a few
years ago. I don‘t understand
why. She still ioves caressing and
touching my naked body. } enjoy
this very much, but I also want
sex.

We are both healthy, active
people. If we can still play golf
and walk a mile a day, why can’t
we have sex?

A. Many women find their
bodies do not produce sufficient
lubrication after menopause to
make sex a comfortable and en-
joyable activity,

Perhaps your wife experienced
discomfort or pain during sex and
decided, ‘I can live without this!”’
She might have decided the pain
was nature’s way of telling her to
stop having sex.

That problem can be easily
remedied. You don’t need a
prescription to buy a vaginal
fubricant. Just go to the
drugstore! Buy a lubricant and
keep it under your pillow.

The next time you are lying side
by side caressing, get it out. If this
doesn’t solve your problem, ask
why she is so ‘‘determined to
eliminate sex."

Q. Refore I married my hus-

RCMP want more
watch programs

THE NORTH Vancouver RCMP
is initiating a drive to reverse the
drop in community involvement in
neighborhood-waich programs.

By Jeremy Hainsworth
Contributing Writer

Cpl. Larry Atkinson of the
North Vancouver RCMP detach-
ment said of about 44,000 house-
holds in the area, under 2,000 are
involved in programs such as the
Block Parent or Block Watch
programs.

“We'd like to do a media blitz
on all of the programs,’’ he said.
“We're on a bit of a recruiting
drive. We'd like to do some
advertising and marketing and see
if we can get the community in-
valved.**

Atkinson added that with the
North Shore’s rising crime rates, it
makes sense to have preventive
programs such as the Block Watch
and Block Parent programs.

The Block Parent program was
established in Edmonton in 1968
after a child there was abducted.

Parents applying to be Block
Parents have to be security cleard
by the RCMP after which their
houses become safe houses for
neighborhood children.

The Block Parent: progranr his
been operating in B.C.) for 10
years.

band, he was a wonderful lover.
We are both in our 30s, married
and divorced once each before we
met. Also, we lived topether for
several months before marryi

Suddenly things changed. Now
he rushes through sex. He says
I'm not satisfied unless it lasts 45
minutes, but that is an exaggera-
tion on his part.

He has become a2 selfish fover,
and I am losing all interest in sex.
Don't tell me to communicate my
needs because I have! He's ignor-
ing them.

Besides, he knew how to please
me before the wedding. Why
should it be different now? What
eise cen I do? Does marriage have
to malie men sexually selfish? My

well help you fill in the blanks.

LIFESTYLES
Touching is enough

first husband was the same way.

A. No, marriage does not make
men (or women) sexually selfish.
if this has happened to you
twice, you need to find the
behavior pattern causing if. You
can taik to a counselor — a ther-

apist, social worker, minister,
priest or rabbi trained in marital
counselling,

I suspect the problem is not
sexual. Something is wrong be-
tween the two of vou. He may be
angry or disappointed in you in
some way. Instead of telling you
what's really wrong, he’s taking
his anger into the bedroom.

You must get this resolved be-
fore it does more damage to your
sex tife and ultimately to the mar-

riage. Good luck!

Q. Recently you told a woman
reader she shouldn't be upset
because her husband occasionally
reads a skin magazine. I applaud
you for saying that.

As a man, [ am gratified to
hear you say it's normal for us to
enjoy looking at, and becoming
aroused by, the photos of nude
women. In fact, sometimes I
glance at these magazines before
initiating sex with my wife because
they help me get aroused. At 50,
arousal isn’t as automatic as it
once was.

Also, I sometimes use the fan-
tasies of these photo layouts to
keep me going during lovemaking
when I flay. When she complains

this month and

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Wednesday, March 20, 1991 - North Shore News — 37

her

about me buying such magazines,
should f tell her how helpful they
are Co our sex Hfe?

A. No! She would be offended.
[ am sure she would say, ‘‘What!
1 am not enough to arouse you
anymore?’ Keep your mouth
shut.

If you must say something to
justify your purchases, tell her
that sometimes looking through
the magazines helps you make the
shift from the stress of the work-.
day to the evening when you can
relax and become erotic with her.

Let her think they are nothing
more than aids for setting the
mood, jist as a bubble bath or a
candlelight dinner might be for
her.

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