32 - Wednesdays, May 16, 1990 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Wife says hubby expects too much Q. MY HUSBAND and I got married four months ago after living together for five and a half years. We rarely argue, but for most of the time Fve known him, be has complained that our sex together is not erotic for him. He compares me to the women in his past. He says they wanted to make him happy and did the things he asked, like stripping for him and dancing around the reom naked. I feel very inadequate. [usually defend myself by saying. “You knew [owas tike this when you married me.”* Why don't 1 excite him the way [.am? A. E can’t answer that because I don’t know what his expectations are about sex and marriage. There seems to be a problem of com- munication. He does tell you what he wants, like dancing around naked, but you aren't telling him why you won't do those things or what vou might do instead. What is holding sou back? Maybe there are other problems you aren‘t discussing. You do say you varely argue. Are you repress- ing anger? Telling him, ‘*You knew [owas like this when you married me" doesn't help either. Maybe he thought marriage would make you feel secure and less sexually inhibited. You must talk about these things with a third party — either a professional or your minister — and discover what is holding you back. Q. After four and a half years of marriage, my husband told me he has fantasies abvul tying girls up and having sex with them. He has * “wines of the World” Victoria Day Weekend Hours Open Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Chilled International wines ,ciders and coolers available. Lonsdale Quay Market 984-2583 Park Royal South (By Peter Black's) 925-3663 Park & Tilford Centre 988-2424 these fantasies in the shower. We do not have sex very often, but he does masturbate in shower all the time. P'm_ worried about the fantasies. Should I fet the ask Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer him continue his activities in’ the shower? Are they keeping him from having sex with me? A. Yes, | would say they are. But, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Wohe were having the fantasies and masturbating and also having sex with vou, | would say, “Huve a vood time.” In this case, there might be a reason why its easier for him to masturbate than to have sex with you, When sou do have sexual en- counters, does it take you a long time to have ai orgasm? That might be a deterrent for him. He might also be afraid of disappoin- ting you if vow don't have an orgasm. you have a com- munication problem. He might think you don’t want sex very often and he’s doing you a favor by masturbating. You must) get him to talk about this. Or maybe “4 DAYS ONLY Victoria Day Weekend Fri.. May 18-Mon., May 21, ne =F ales 1990 Brand Name Furniture | Solid Oak Dining Suites Entertainment Centres Sofas & Loveseats ate , Antiques” 5:30pm . * Saturday. May 19° 80am 0pm -& Mon., May 20-2b 11 Vancouver MAPLE RID . = 22653 53 Dewan. Le 5pm