44 — Wednesday, April 22, 1992 - North Shore News aking a lover not the answer Q. | AM in amarriage with a wonderful, warm, caring and normally selfless man; however, we only have sex about once a year. Whenever { bring up the sub- ject, he always makes up an ex- cuse. When I suggest that we put aside time for a romantic evening, he says that it’s planned and not spontaneous, but when I try something spontaneous, I always get rejected. I know for a fact that when I'm not home he rents X-rated videos and masturbates in the shower. Is he withholding sex from me as some sort of punishment? He is 55 and I am 45, We need help or-I'll need a lover. A. You need help. You could try asking him to watch some of the X-rated movies together. Maybe the two of you could masturbate each other ia the shower. ‘But if you are having sex only once a year, I think there is some- thing drastically wrong here that . will not be solved so easily. And taking a lover is not the answer. -You say that he is warm, caring ~ and selfless, but he seems not to want to give you orgasms even if he does not feel like having inter- course. : ‘You ask if he is trying to punish you. Maybe he is, and then you need a marriage counsellor to find out why. But maybe there is something else that is preventing him. . - Maybe he is attracted to men “and does not want to live a homosexual lifestyle. Maybe the videos are geared to that and that is how he is taking care of his sex drive. You are a young woman and need to do something about this immediately. Q. Iam a gay mate, though I'm not. very sexually active (and of course practise safe sex when I do have relations with someone). Since I have sex so infrequently, I rely on masturbation during the in-between times. My problem is that, as I see it, I've become too dependent on do- ing it “‘my” way, which means us- ing some lubricant. Most men don’t need this and it is annoying when I am with someone else to have to stop and apply il, but if I don’t, I can’t climax. P’ve tried to force myself net to use it but have been unsuccessful. Is there a procedure to wean me off lubricants? : A. The only way I could suggest would be that from time to time, when you are masturbating and very near orgasm, to stop, dry your penis off, and then try to reach orgasm without one. Using a tremendous amount of fantasy might also help you. Don’t force yourself, though. Take your time trying to learn to Dr. Ruth Westheimer ASK OR. RUTH wean yourself off lubricants, if you need to. Of course if you could establish a relationship with another man, the issue wouldn’t seem so terribly important. If two people really love each other, so what if you have to use a lubricant in order to be sexually satisfied? And whatever you do, practising safe sex. Q. I live in Florida and am a regular reader of your column. My problem is that I am very lonely. I am 34, almost six feet tall, and a good cook, and I am look- ing for a woman whe would be interested in marriage. Do you think you could help me? A. Any man who is a good cook and is looking for marriage shouldn’t have any problems. The first thing you should do is take out some ads in a newspaper or magazine in Florida. Say that you are a good cook and want to get married, not just that you want to have a relationship. ! hope that there are thousands of women who will answer. In addition, make yourself available to go to singles clubs. Don’t be shy about it. Don’t dwell on your loneliness. Find the places where women congregate. Florida has many beaches and swimming pools. Use your interest in cooking to meet people. Go to some cooking classes or shows. Make sure you are anywhere where there is some- thing to do: with food. Because this is your specialty, it should make it easier for you to start up conversations with the women who are there. If that doesn’t work, then go and see a therapist, because there might be a reason, for a man such as yourself to be so lonely, that needs professional handling. keep School holds spring fair NORGATE COMMUNITY School will be holding its Second Annual Spring Fair on Saturday, April 25 from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. The activity list includes pony tides, carnival games, cake walks, a dunk tank and car wash. The fair will also feature the sale of books, plants and ‘‘Spring Thing’’ crafts. Proceeds from the event will be used for a variety of school related projects including playground upgrading and repair, purchasing resource materials, and supplying the school with earth- quake preparedness kits. This years’s event also holds special meaning for organizers. Coordinator Patricia Nichols ex- plains: ‘‘Community Schools in North Vancouver are about to lose their special status as the school board will discontinue all ‘funding at the end of June. This year’s fair is a rather special event, as it will be the last one we hold as a ‘community’ schoo].’* Norgate Community School is located at 1295 Sowden St. in North Vancouver. For more in- formation call 987-4491 or 988- THE PERFECT COMBO Bontia BANANAS T Smooth or Crunchy Stong's Old-fashioned PEANUT BUTTER 4 EXPIRES APRIL 25/92 ROH UML * URS DUNBAR & COLLARTON Mon.-Fn. 9am-gom Sat 8am-7pm, Sun. 9am-6am DUNDARAVE WEST VAN. Mon.Wed 9am-7pm Thur-Fs. 9am-Spm Sat-Sun, 9am-6pn1 LYNN VALLEY NORTH VANCOUVER Man -Sal. 8am-gpm Sun 9am-Gom AOVERTISING FEATURE Workshops a major feature of Business and Opportunities Show A series of 75 workshops cu various aspects of starting or running a business are part of the B.C. Home-based Business and Opportunities Show being held at TRADEX , April 30 through May 3rd. The event features 150 exhibits and will be of- fering daily prize draws. The event is endorsed by the Nationa! Home Business Institute and the Vancouver Area Newspaper Network is one of the sponsors. Among the workshops being offered on April 30th are: - How to Write PressReleases that Pack Power, - Governmeni Programs to Encourage Employ- ment - Canada Customs aod the Home-based Business; - How to Use Free Government Research; ~ Evaluating Your Entrepreneurial Style; - Time Management for Your Home-based Busi- ness; - How to Deai With Difficult People; - How to Build Customer Lists Using Public Sources: - How to Get My Boss to Let Me Telecommute - A Panel; - How to Run a P.R. Firm From Home; - How to Start Your Own Franchise; - Time Management Using Your Computer; - Inventory Controls for the Small Business; © - Exporting to the U.S. - FTA and Home Business Opportunities; + The Five Rules of Effective Direct Mail; - How to Run a Successful Import Business From Your Home; ; . - Tips on Keeping Healthy for the Self-Employed; - How to Choose the Right Equipment; - Finding and Financing a Franchise That Fits; and, : - Evaluating Your Personal Sales Style. The list of speakers making the workshop presentations includes five authors of best-selling books, experts on direct mail, sales, marketing and services such as advertising and publicity. Admission to the Show is $5.00. Show hours are April 30 Noon - 9 pm, May I Noon to 9 pm, May 2 Noon to 9pm and May 3 1lam to 4pm. Workshops are reasonably priced at $5.00 each or six for $20.00 and will be available at the door. Each ticket can be used to enter a draw for an outfitted home office and other prizes that include a trip for two to Jamaica, courtesy of Cellular Express. “Our objective with the workshops,” says Show Manager Stan Sauerwein, “is to give each of the attendees at least two tips per workshop that they can use immediately in their businesses." The Show has a Hotline with information on workshops updated daily. Cails are toll free in B.C. at 1-978-6277. The Hotline is supplied cour- tesy of ET VoiceMail. Co Sponsored By: