TO GULF ISLANDS
Premier exiled?

From Page 4
after, isn’t it?

Profile — that’s it! We'd up
our profile astronomically, and
very cheaply compared to
advertising. Have you checked
cut the price of ads? (Except in
THIS newspaper, of course,
where the ads are a bargain,
right?)

A war between New Zealand
and British Coiumbia, the fur-
thest high tide marks of the
British Empire, would be his-
torically sexy.

You could be fighting to lib-
erate the Social Credit Party
down there from the Socialist
hordes.

The Asian nations would love
it. It could be a _ Pacific
Falklands War, especiaily if we
allowed cameras from the big
American and Japanese net-
works on board our fleet. New
Zealand is, by odd coincidence,
roughly the same distance from
Vancouver as the Falklands
from London.

At the’ last minute, before
anybody got hurt, our youthful
navy would surrender, of
course. We'd become the
Spanish Banks armada.

Here’s the sneaky part: The
Kiwis wauld HAVE to come in
and take over Victoria, set up
garrisons in the Interior and
patro} the Kicking Horse Pass,
that sort of thing.

You, the premier, and your
cabinet, would all be sent into
exile in the Gulf Islands and the
rest of us would be given 10
years off to tend our gardens
and play on our boats while the
conquerors rewrote our con-
stitution.

Naturally, the
would step in.

I mean, first of all, they’d
give us anything we wanted to
go after New Zealand for them.
The Kiwis have been quite rude
about Pax Americana lately.

We could easily land the
‘good guy’’ spot in the Yankee
networks, at least, if we played
on the Kiwis as dupes of

Americans

Options for
volunteers

VOLUNTEERING could be
the right choice for you this
fall. Gain job experience or test
out a career.

The North Shore Information
and Volunteer Centre has a
number of opportunities
available. A sampling is listed
below.

DANCING SEWER, for a
dance company. Work is with
stretch fabric in preparation for
Christmas concert. Hours,
days, can be arranged at volun-
teer’s convenience.
87-YEAR-OLD MAN, pleasant
natured, would like a male
friend for companionship and
outings.

WHEELCHAIR BOUND
WOMAN, 75 ;ears, would wel-
come wheelciiair outings.
QUIET CLERICAL position in
North Vancouver office. Must
answer telephone, write
receipts, etc.

HOSPITAL VOLUNTEERS in
emergency, maternity, craft
programs, plani and flower
care, etc. Flexibility for volun-
teer — just three to four hours
per week. Men are invited to
respond.

The North Shore Informa-
tion and Volunteer Centre staff
are on holidays. In the mean-
time, give your volunteer work
aspirations some thought and
then call us at 985-7138 after
August 18 about these and
other options.

Moscow.

And then if we, the raincoast
Rainbos, inexplicably LOST to
the godless Kiwi neutralists, the
Pentagan chiefs would throw
themselves upon their con-
soles.

It wouldn't take long fee
New Zealand to be pressured
into giving B.C. back to the
British Columbians, their re-
cord for resisting sanctions be-
ing as feeble as it is.

But with a bit of luck the
debate in the UN could be
dragged out for years.

When, finally, we are given
the vote again, it would be after
we had got around, with
American aid, to rebuilding our
economy from the ground up.

We'd emerge, according to
this scenario, as the Japan or
West Germany of the early 2ist
Century.

Our kids, after spending their
troublesome youth in POW
camps on the beaches in Fiji,
would be repatriated only when
they had fully grown up.

You begin to see the beauty
of this?

Oh. The first step, I forgot to
mention, is to pull out of
Canada, an idea which is out of
favor at the moment, but you
can never izll when it might
come back in.

Right. My bill is in the mail.
I'm available for consultancy
Tuesdays and Thursdays, by
appointmen: only. Think big.
Think beautiful. Think British
Columbia!

Not Always Necessary
"1887 Lonsdale -
986-6042

" hotoss from Canada Trust)

D.O.N.A.T.E. sweet fluffy §

kittens, one orange tabby &
one grey

987-9015. Also needing
homes: small Shep. Husky
X; Rottweiler X; Sheltie X;
Shep Doberman; small

brown Shep pup; Stafford- fie
shire Terrier X; White lab X &

pup; pups. Big white cat-
blue eyes; orange tabby:
Silver Tabby: Siamese kit-
tens; black & white kitten;
iblack kittens, soft calico kit-

ten; Please phone 987-9015
or 988-5643.

tabby (as il-§
lustrated}. Phone Doris Orr @

PETS LTD. needs good
homes for p/b Dachshund,
p/b min. Poodie, »/b
Dalmation, p/b Golden Re-
triever, p/b Rottweiler, p/b
Duberman, p/h sfalamute,
4 Border Collie X, Setter X,
4 Shepherd X, 3 Chihuahua
| Xs, Samoyed. Selection of
‘| kittens & young, healthy
j cats. Please call 988-7461 or
929-4266.

BROOM-HILDA

MS FIRST DAY ASA

Von, nave You PoT IN
K eeauisition FoR
ANEW TERMINAL? TT ON

FLINTSTONE

YI THOUGHT YOu
AND BARNEY
WERE PLAYING

) GOLF !

oS

HELLO, FERKINS.
PIC YoU HAVE A
NICE TIME ¢

hh

ANIMAL CRACKE

THERE 1S NOTHING THAT L'D
ALLOW TO STAND BETWEEN
US AND CO? LOVE |

TLL EXPLORE THE

TLL HAVE HANDS"! OVERCHARGE ME} ANP BEST
ON EXPERIENCE |ONE PENNY AN?/ OF ALL I
WITH MOPERN

TECHNOLOGY |

NOITS = WHATS

UNDER “UPGEN
THAT?

WOULD YOU PLAY
GOLF WITH A GUY
WHO PUTS HIS ()

1 SCORE DOWN WRONG, fh

MOVES THE BALL
WHEN NOBODY'S
INT, ete

WELL, NEITHER

WILL BARNEY! J

1X
LIKE 1T2 IT'S
PUNK CHIC!

VES, MS. CRUMM
| HAD A VERY
NICE LUNCH,

WTHINKE YA CAN
JUMP iTS’