I don’t think it’s going
to be particularly wise to
drop in unannounced on
Planet Earth for the next

# while, at least not until the
Russians and the
Americans stop being

friends.

Frankly,E.T. I think
you'd better stay home.

Hf I’ve got this right,

President Reagan told a

bunch of high school stu-
dents that he had said to
Comrade Gorbachev ‘‘how
easy his task and mine
might be ... if suddenly
there was a threat to this
world from another species
from another planet out-
side in the universe.”

Just to refresh your

f memory, Reagan added:

“We'd forget all the little

§ local differences that we
have between our countries
and we would find out
once and for all that we
really are all human beings
on this earth together.”

Don’t get me wrong. I'm
as happy as you that the
Big Two, our ever-lovin’
neighbors to the north and
south, got together in
Geneva and did not agree
to order up a side of Ar-
maggedon and a Holocaust

| with the works. They both
DO have guys wandering
around nearby with brief-
cases with The Buttons in
them, don’t they? Ronnie

{ sure does.

I often wonder about
that: how it must feel to
have The Button in your
briefcase. It makes me
fervently hope that neither
Ron nor Gorb gets stalled
in traffic, like I sometimes
do, or caught in a line-up
at the bank. Might just
USE the damn thing.

Of course they can
always let off steam by in-

Reunion

THE CAPILANO Elemen-
tary School is having a reu-
nion next year.

The school has been in ex-
istence since the early 1900s
and organizers are sure
many former students will be
anxious to visit friends and
staff October 11-12, 1986
weekend. Interested gradu-
ates are asked to contact

Bob Hunter

® strictly personal e

vading some country or
shooting down a 747 or
setting up a missile base
closer to each other’s com-
puterized Trip Wire.
Maybe that’s why they
don't have to actually push
The Button. It is more fun
in the long run to NOT
push it, just to scare the
bejabbers out of everyone
else in the world by looking
like you’re about to nod
off, with your head falling
on The Sutton.

A fitting end, maybe, for
a species with a chequered
past like ours. But, wait!
Maybe Ron has hit upon
the solution to our earthly
political dilemma. We
NEED an honest-to-
goodness slime-sucker
from Alpha Centauri!

What some group should
do now is sneak off to
Mars and launch an ‘‘inva-
sion’’ of Earth, so Ron and
Gord could swing into ac-
tion together in defence of
every man, woman, child,
turtle and turnip, Demo-
crat and Politburo
member, Third World deb-
tor and New York banker
alike. Rambo and Ivan
leap into orbit, heat-seek-
ing missiles ablaze.

Imagine if they won. The
headlines would scream:
RON, GORB CONQUER
UNIVERSE! Stocks would
go up, I predict. Gorb’s
wife would open a chain of
fashion stores in the West.
Nancy would appear in the
Bolshoi.

I find an amazing coin-
cidence in the fact that Or-
son Welles died within the
last few weeks. It was his
early radio ‘‘docu-drama”’
of H.G. Wells War of the
Worlds, in which the Mar-
tians attacked with over-
whelming laser-beam fire-

power, that caused a panic

date set

Anne Barregar (985-8085),
Joan Emri (986-3620),
Marilyn Coan (987-3282) or
Christine Stewart (980-6191)
to obtain registration par-
ticulars.

Students will have a
chance to visit their
classrooms and travel down
memorabilia lane.

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in North America. People
thought the Martians were
really taking over.

The incident made Orson
famous. No sconer does he
die than the script for War
of the Worlds falls into the
hands of another famous
actor. Ron has one rap

with the top Commie and |

what does he say? He says:
Gorb, let’s nuke a Martian
for world peace!

1 find that somewhat
unsettling, to tell the truth.
And so should you, E.T.
Don’t cross THOSE guys!
Down here, we talk a lot
about how, between them,
the Yanks and the Ruskies
could destroy the world —
what is it? — fifty times
over, or something like
that.

That seems scary. But

think about it. If they were’

to gang up for a
“counter-attack”? on any
alien foolish enough to
come near us with a 50
light-year pole, they could
probably destroy at least 50
worlds between them be-
fore running out of ammo.

That might be good news
for us back here on Earth.
But it would be really hard

on the-5S0 nearest planetary {
civilizations. I wouldn't

wish it on anybody,
regardless of what species
they might be, even those
slimey off-worlders.

All I know for sure is
that the Prez has lifted
xenophobia to new heights.
Never before have the
leaders of nations con-
templated finding a com-
mon scapegoat in the sky.
The Prez also said he also
told Gorb he saw the
“hand of providence’ at
work in all this.

E.T., move your butt!
Come back in a thousand
years. If then.

SPCA drop-in

ALL VANCOUVER
Regional Branch SPCA
shelters will be holding a
drop-in open house on Sat.,
Dec. 14, from noon to 4
p.m.

Visitors are asked to bring
pet food, pet care items, pet
trcats, etc. for pet
owners who use food bank
services. :

ANNOUNCEMENT
Bellisima is pleased to announce the opening of
the new studio for the convenience of her clients
in West Vancouver.

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P:P.S. See you in

Sunday’s paper

and the story
-continues...._