] ! ayden &

Freelance
Hayden Stewart may be
reached at 261-6242 for,

_ appointments for individual,
family or group counselling.
His new office in the Plaza

‘International Hotel (open
Tuesdays only) is for the
convenience of North Shore
residents.

Counsellor :

” hope for a couple who want,
. to’ go on being married to

" each ther but are up to here
‘in. pessimism ..about. the .

‘ chance of. the marriage ever

; Newtine?

who are ‘mis unhenpy. Pm

unhappy too because I really

_ them seems to think-’'m the
’ Ideal person to talk to about

«their problems. From the
“way they live and. the way-.
STEWART: You may be
“more help than you realize,

.. they ‘talk to me privately, I
. fast KNOW they love each
other, BUT.....

~ All they talk about when
they corner me for a talk is
what’s wrong with the other

_person. I. tell them, look I

‘don’t want to hear about it,
I’m friends with both of you.

: _ My answer, from either
one of them is usually, “Yes,
I understand. .I’m really

‘QUESTION: "Where ‘is ‘the. “p

‘guy. _Jast by listening, I feel

“antair ¢o them both. ar

" She blames’ ‘him - for her

bt ‘allergies! But that isn’t
-sillier than what he does. He -

’ blames her because he isn’t

getting the leads he used to

get in his sales work.
dike, them both and each of |.

How can I be of help to

them? [Pd really like to be

helpful, but I’m sure ’'m not,
going on like we are.

just by being available to

., them. But you are right - you

won't be as much help as
you'd like to be as long as the

three of you continue to use.

the old ground rules that are
in effect at.present.

Tell them, either together
or separately, that you are

. going to refuse to listen to

either one of them pan the

Yes orno 0 for grou

QUESTION: I was greatly
disappointed in your reply to
the kids who asked you if
you approve of group sex. I
know you want to encourage
your questioners to trust
themselves and come up
with their own answers. But
in this instance, couldn't you
have given them a ‘yes’ or a
‘no’? -

t * ’
STEWART: You are not
alone in feeling as you do. I
received a couple of phone
calls backing up what you
have written. One of the
calls was critical but
gracious. Then there was the
other one!! The first call
made me think that perhaps
I had answered my enquirer
unwisely by waffling in-
@ecisively. So, I studied the
quesfion_and my answer. My

life-experience

comment xkeut the five 17.

year olds having-85 years of
“between
them was sort of dumb and
smart-alecky.

One of my callers pointed,

out. that it would. be
meaningless for me to claim
that 85 one year-olds could
fall back on their total of 85
years of life-experience.

That gave me a jolt. I wish I

had not written that part.

What I wanted to do was Iet  -

these 17-year-olds know that

I had a lot of faith in their |

own best selves and that I
hoped THEY would too.
Except for doing it awk-
wardly, I liked my answer.

I might have added
however that in all my years
of counselling, I have never

Trust, expectancy
and love principles

QUESTION: Do you mind
mailing me copies of your
Principles of Trust, Expec-
tancy and Love that were
mentioned In the February
25th issue?

STEWART: I've done it! If
THE LOVE PRINCIPLES

988-5713

ne

—_
a ee

\

‘

\

{ 3

ALSO MECHANICAL Have us

\ & ENGINE WORK refinish yours
y 222 E. Esplanade, North Van. ote traction

smithy’ S boat works |

grab your interest, you may
like to know that they will be
the topic at the next
EVENING WITH HAYDEN
STEWART at the Interna-
tional Plaza Ballroom = on
Sunday, March 25th. at 7:30
p-m. (Plug, plug, plug!)

yet talked with a group-sexer
who was exuberantly happy
about his life-style. All of
them seemed to me to have
been fighting the world or

- or “‘deals’’,

other one. Make sure they

hear what you have said to
them and then, stick to your
guns. If either starts putting
down the other one, just grin
and tell them they are going
against your decision and

any © that you are leaving. Then do

it! Don’t waver one time!

Now there’s another thing

’ to‘tell them too. Let them

know that you will be happy
to talk over with either one of
them: any ideas .they have
about how they can bring
more to the marriage re-
lationship. Assure them you
will listen when either of

them is ready to start”

sentences with ‘“‘One way I
want to change is...” *y or, “3
want to do better at...’”.

' Let them know that’: sen-

‘tences must end up com-

Page 27, March 14, 1979 - North Shore News.
..because
every child
has the
right to

smile
19793

to ‘give her more fun on
week-ends, but if I do, she
has to agree to.,..’’ But if
either of them talks like that,

just give them your friendly ;
. ‘smile and get up and leave. '

~ You must see that they will
make no progress as long as

they remain bogged down in

trying to change the other |

one, so, you. should have
nothing to do with contribut-

ing to the continuation f that . .

losing formula. There could

be some good laughs over. |

your sticking to your guns,
and even THAT would be
helpful. _

pletely free of ‘‘ifs’’, ““huts’’, 4

things like, ‘‘Iwant -to be
warmer and more loving, but
he will have to...°’, or, he
may say things like, ‘‘I want

sex

running away from it. To say
the least, itis very difficult to
make it work rewardingly. It
may be impossible. Perhaps
we are just not made for it.

Five young skiers
rescued on Sore

.She may say.

International Year
of the Child

r

PLAY RACQUETBALL
AND SQUASH NOW!

THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN

JOIN FOR AS LOW AS

$250.

(plus monthly dues)

Lions Gate's economical squash and racquetball membership
is designed for families that want to keep fit and active, and
have a good time doing it! Here's some of the features of the
Lower Maintand’s finest indoor racquets club:

@ No court fees for
squash & racquetball

@ Beautiful viewing
lounge

@ Lockers with saunas
@ Nursery

@ Use of indoor &
outdoor tennis courts
during the summer
months

@ Resident pro offering
lessons & clinics

@ Matches arranged &
tournaments organized

@ Asocial program for
meeting new friends

@ Allfacitities open now

@ Convenient location —
off Upper Levels &
Capilano

Unicef Canada

in response to requests by both readers and ad-
vertisers, the Wednesday and Sunday issues of the
North Shore News are now on sale at various retail
outlets In North and West Vancouver.

On both Wednesday and Sunday 94% ol the ad-
dresses on the North Shore have the News celivered
on thelr doorsteps. So we do miss some of you,

tf you are among the 6% that did not receive your
copy of News, call us. We'll do everything we can to
get the News to your door.
1139 Lonsdale Ave.
North Vancouver
986-1337 (Circulation)

north: shore -
980-4,511 (Office)

news

For more information on this of other great Lions Gate

memberships call 980-5734. Christine of Sylvia will be.
pleased to arrange a visit to the club.

LIONS GATE JRACQUETS CLUB

1185 West 26th Street, North Vancouver 980-5734

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