Paul
ot. Pierre

PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES

THE AMIABLE Hiot was
on the couch with a book
over his face, making
purring noises, bothering
neither God, man nor beast
but infuriating his wife.

“You were supposed to be poi-
soning and pulting dandelions,” she
shouted. “We dre the only family
on the block with a solid yellow

. fawn.”

“You have surprised me, my
dear,” he said.

“I know damn well | have.”

“Dear Jalapeno Lady. I delayed
the dandelion poisoning when you
flung yourself out of our dandelion-
embowered love nest an hour or so
ago to the glare of red rockets and
the thunder of cannon."

“Do not be such an ass. I went to
get groceries.”

“Indeed? I was under the
impression that you had run away
and joined the circus, where they
were going to train the lion to put
its head in your mouth.”

In her usual singleminded way,
she pursued her original thought.
“Instead of working, I find you with
your feet higher than your head,
Treading.”

“No, dear madam Borgia, not
reading. I had started reading but a
lassitude overcame me and I put the
book over my face and fell into the
warm arms of the Goddess
Morpheus, my favorite of all the
goddesses.”

““What’s the book?”

“It is one to interest you. The
celebrated philosophic work of the
late John Knox entitled First Blast
of The Trumpet Against a

Moastrous Regiment of Women,

Because she never believed any-
thing the first time she heard iC from
him, she cume over and read the
cover,

“tis ao such thing. It is Vincent
Cronin’s biography of Napoleon.”

“Tt is true that Mr. Cronin wrote
this excellent biography of
Napoleon. He excelled in writing
biographies. However, Pastor Knox
excelled in writing titles for books
and since I try to find everybody's
best side, a positive attitude as it is
called..."

“Oh do shut up,” she cried.

Confused and frightened though
he often was, the Amiuble Idiot
knew how to survive under fire. He
sel about diverting her attention
from his almost numberless delin-
quencies.

“tam thinking of proposing the
Emperor Napoleon as Boss of All
Canada.” he said. “E realize he is
dead, but even dead he gould be
more effective than some of the fiv-
ing political leaders.”

“How?” she said. She did not
use the word in the usual Indian
sense of greeting.

“I draw your attention to the
year 1800 when Napoleon became
First Consul of France. There were
then only 167,000 frances in the
national treasury while the coun-
try's debts were 474,000,000
francs.

“The army had not been paid,
nor clothed, nor fed, because there
were no funds.

“In the orphanages, the children
were dying by the hundreds of star-
vation. A situation even worse than
Canada’s today.

“Napolcon took out enough tem-
porary loans for him to see 10 days
ahead. If he hadn't done that
there'd have been another Bastille
Day with his head being curried
about on a pike.

“And what happened next? Let
us look at the year 1807.

“By 1807, operating with metal
coinage instead of fake paper
money, France was free of debt.
Never once in those years did
Napoleon devalue the currency.

“It was as valuable outside
France’s borders in 1807 as it had
been in 1800 and it bought just as
much within the country because
there had been zero inflation.”

“I don’t believe it,” she said,
“And neither should you, the way
you handle this household's
money.”

The Amiable Idiot kept running,

WV municipal clerk elected
to head provincial association

WEST VANCOUVER municipal
clerk Margaret Warwick was recent-
ly elected vice-president of the
Municipal Officers’ Association of
British Columbia.

WEST VANCOUVER

DISTRICT COUNCIL
By Maureen Curtis

The purpose of the 75-year-old
organization is to foster education
and assistance for municipal officers
throughout the province.

Warwick wil! become president
of the association next year, the first
woman to be so elected.

“I am very proud of the educa-
tional programs the association has

provided, as well as the success of
our outreach efforts.” Warwick said
after being congratulated at the
Monday meeting of West Vancouver
District Council.

As the jobs of municipal officers
become more complex, more exten-
sive training and support are essen-
tial.

A mentor access program is
being organized to further foster
communication and encouragement
between officers from different
municipalities and at different levels.

“This way, with issues that have
occurred before, you're not re-
inventing the wheel each time. And
whether the municipality has 400
people or 400,000, they are still
playing by the same rules,” Warwick
said.

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the bit in his teeth.

“This happy congress of mira-
cles all came about during years in
which France was engaged in wae
against almost every other nation of
Europe.

“When we hold wars today, itis
ain excuse for quintupting the
national debt, in Napoleon's sys-
tem, it Was an oecasion for reducing
it to zero.

“T present you the evidence of
history.” he said, and passed her the
Cronin book,

“Note also, Goddess of the

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Friday, June 17, 1994 - North Shore News - 9

Dandelions vanquish Napoleon’s army

Voleanos, that he also developed
the Napoleonic Code, which today
remains the basic law of most of
Europe and Latin America, as well
ws our own province of Quebec.”
“TL still dont believe it”
“Permit me also, dear Wicked
Witch of The West, to direct your
attention to his instructions for

thase who ran a school for females.

Hearken,
““Twant the place to produce

not women of charm but women of

virtue, They must be attractive
because they have high principles

AR

ot

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7:10 pm

CROOKLYNN

and warm hearts, not because they
are witty and amusing.’

He could tell that she was about
to put her foot down and although it
was only a small foot, it mattered if
put down in the crotch,

Recollecting another saying of
Napoleon's, that God favors the
army with the best artillery, he
shambled off to the outdoors and
setubout making our world a place
of pain and sorrow for dandelions
which, like himself, minded their
own business when left alone and
bore ill will to no man.

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