= = DEAR MISS MANNERS — How does a woman put of! @ creep without causing « scene? : Pm not talking about the un- wanted attentions of a gentleman; I mean the type of man who cor- ners @ woman at 2 public gathering and gees into details about his great lovemaking «kills. Luckily this doesn’t occar very often, but when it does, it’s awfal. I have tied walking away and/ or wearing a shocked expression. This sometimes backfires if he tries to save face by exclaiming: ‘‘Gee, sorry. I didn’t know you had such a bang-up about men.’ Or turning to someone and saying loudly: “What's the matter with her? I Just said hello and ske almost flip- ped out.” This leaves everyone staring at me instead of the man whos was ont of line. I know I don’t do anything to attract this sort of person, as I am very shy and conservatively dress- ed. What may I do or say to cause these men the embar -ssment and shame they deserve? GENTLE READER — What you are talking about is the social equivalent of an obscene telephone call. Worrying about whether you are provoking this behavior, or ac- cepting the embarrassment for it, is inappropriate. if you feel you need an exit line when you are anticipating such in- sults as you describe being hurled at you when you merely walk off, it should be along the lines of ‘‘I am not amused by vulgarity.’” DEAR MiSS MANNERS ~- Our son was married last spring. His wife’s parents invited us, through her, for Thanksgiving dinner. The only time we had met them was at wedding functions. I told my son and daughter-ia- law to have her mother call me, as I would like to talk to her about what we could bring, the time, how we should dress, etc. She never called. I didn’t feel J should call her to ask if we were expected. The Satarday before Thanksgiviug, we happened to see our son’s father- in-iaw at a service station, and my husband said, ‘‘1 understand we 42 - Sunday, December 11, 1988 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES wea te ser at Thagsksgiv- af oy woo tnt of hesita- en . os 4a acked if we vavdlo ow oe setieng and) what Hace otonie o- inere. He said fie von Gc ais wile call as, The aight before, we called our son and told him she had never called, so we didn’t feel we should go. He emphasized that we were expected, and we stuck to saying she should have confirmed it. The children were hurt aud upset because we didn’t go. Were we wrong, or are secondhand invita- tions seceptable these days? It spoiled oar whole holiday, as we tarned down other invitations for this one and ended up going out to dinner alone. Sometimes I feel guilty about not going, and caus- ing a rift for something so small. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners shares your dismay that a rift should be caused over some- thing sc small, but cannot bring herself to condone visiting people without an invitation, unless this offhandedness is a well-esiablished practice among intimates. You have no way of knowing whether this woman simply fails to observe simple formalities — or vas been trying unsuccessfully for years to teach her daughter the formality of checking with her be- fore inviting anyone to dinner. Both her daughter’s and her hus- band’s promises that she would call suggest the latter. The practice of confirming such an indirect in- vitation, however close the family, is obviously not unknown to them. Never mind; let us mend the rift. Miss Manners suggests you invite your daughter-in-law’s parents to dinner, with a gracious note that 1637 Lonsdale Ave, 987-5312 Bill Mackie of Seymour Books would like to remind you that a BCOK is the perfect Christmas gift. And that this year there is an unprecedented number of outstanding books written by Canadian authors. The shelves at Seyntour Books are full with these books and many, many more. The Children’s section, Humour, Art, Fiction, Health & Science Fiction are brimming with a wide selection of excellent tities. You're invited to come to Seymour Books and judge for yourself. When you do, clip this ad and present it for a 20% Discount on any purchase over $25.00. Offer good until Dec. 18/88 Remember, a Book is a gift that keeps on giving & giving. PROTECT YOUR LUNGS DON’T SMOKE f British Columbia Lung Association says: ‘‘We’re so sorry about the misunderstanding over Thanksgiv- ing. Brenda is so delightfully im- pulsive that I didn’t know whether she had checked with you, and when we didn’t hear, we just assumed there was some sort of miss manners Judith Martin mistake. In any case, we’d love to see you.”” DEAR MISS MANNERS — Last week the bride of aa old friend sent me a thank-you noté for my gift. She is his second wife, whom I have mei only a few times; his first wife is still among my closest friends. Apparently the cards got mixed up, because I was embarrassed to find that I was being thanked for someone else’s present. I feel I should say something, but I know she is already very uncomforiabie with mic. I am afraid that if I say something, she will interpret if as being critical. I also wonder if this is really of such importance that I weed say anything. Presumably there is sormeone else in my shoes who may not be in as delicate 2 positign and might speak to her of the mix-up. if 1 were in her position, I think J would then ke even more distressed, not knowing to whom the other incerrect note went. Shel! I write her and correct the error? GENTLE READER — The bride of an old friend is automatically considered a pro- spective old friend, regardless of the state of previous such ties. It is a gesture of friendship to cali amused attention to errors that are, as you point out, likely to come out anyway and therefore cause bewildered distress. Send a charming note such as: ‘‘I wish I had given you the bud vase, since it is such a success, but I actually sent you the candy dish, which I hope you also enjoy. Looking forward to seeing you and Kevin soon.”’ ‘SPECIAL PLOPLE INC. eee ; wok THE JOLLY Elf himself Edgemont Village. Santa comes to Edgemont FREE PHOTOS and a. visit with Santa Claus are being featured at Edgemont Village. Santa arrived at the village on a fire truck on Saturday, Dec. {0, ‘ accompanied by a group of carolers who escorted him to his grotto at 3070 Edgemont Blvd. Santa Claus will be taking time out of his busy schedule to visit Edgemont Village three more times. On Dec. 17, 22 and 23, he will be available between If a.m. and 3 p.m. for free photo sessions in his grotto. Santa’s helpers say that if Santa is not in his grotto between these hours, it probably means that he is in the village handing out candy canes and will return shortly. .erreo Special Products for Special People, inc. 3432 Cambie St. 876-5521 Handy gadgets, gifts, arthritic books and enablers. Everything to help the special needs people get along easier. And everything for the left-handed. — tr eet a new retirement centre. Meet new friends and leave the responsibility of everyday living to us! Rideau Manor offers... a choice of studio, one and two bedroom suites from $875 including: °T wo meals per day Amenities ®Recreation room & lounge ¢Full service dining room *Fully landscaped Boundary Rd. Lougheed Hwy. ' *Weekly maid & linen service ¢ Social co-ordinator Security °24 hour emergency call system in every suite *Secure underground parking Brentwood Mall *State of the art fire & safety systems Location Close to Brentwood Mall, public transportation and cornmmunity services. For further information phone 291-1792 or visit the display suites, open daily at: _ 1850 Rosser Ave. Burnaby, B.C. V5C 5E1