Be SNR rm

“ghe’s

SS GS ee

_ Monee us

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
. Stewart may be reached at
261-6242 for appointments for
individual, family or group
. counselling.

His new office in the Plaza
International Hotel [open
_ Tuesdays only] is for the
convenience of North Shore
residents.

Letters are always welcomed.
Man inem it HAYDEN
STEWART, c/o The North
Shore News, #202-1139.Lons-
dale, North Vancouver.

VEUODGUUAUUNUUUUENUDESEASEDANSEAUEAESEEULEUA
NEDO? ON POT
counselling

QUESTION: | I’m interested.
to learn what

about pot. Will you tell us
about it?

-; STEWART: Perhaps I will.
-We’ll see. What has happ-

ened so far is that I hve been

QUESTION: Ihave thought
our marraige was pretty
good. We have had ups and
downs and once before, a
year ago my wife left me for a
couple of weeks. Well, she
didn’t really leave me what

. she did was tell me that she

had to get away on her own
for a while to try to think

_things out and get her head

together. She came back and
things have heen not too
bad since. But now, all of a
sudden she has told me that
finished with the
marriage and with me! She
took everything that belong-
ed to her and moved into an
apartment. She has a good
job and can afford to do it,

* and we have neo children, so I

am not really worried about
her. BUT—for the first time

. happened |
-about those kids and their

. parents who wanted to talk

in my life [I'm 27 and she Is -

28] I feel lost and alone. I
grew up in a small town in
the States and she Is from
Quebec. So, I don’t have any
of her relatives or mine to
talk to and don’t want to talk
to any of my friends. I’ve
never sat around and felt
sorry for myself before. I
can’t believe what’s happen-
ed. I knew she was unhappy
once In a while and was
pretty mad at me, but |
didn’t think she was unhappy
enough to throw up her
marriage. When I look back
on it, [know she nagged me
a lot about my drinking and
my frlends and what she
called my roving cye, but
good gricf, you can’t expect a
fellow to just sit at home all
the thne. The other day |
asked her why she didn’t tell
te she was so unhappy, that
I had no Idea she felt so bad.

STEWART:
point clearly and in -some

QUESTION: I’m sick and
tired of my perfect marriage!
I’ve got a peach of a guy for a
husband and two healthy,
happy, intelligent teenagers,
a lovely home, no scary debts
and ‘John’? and I- are
blessed with excellent
health. We enjoy being
together and do a lot of
outdoorsy things as a couple
and with others. Our life has
a jot of fun in it and we have
no big compiaints to make of
each other or of our
marriage. The only cloud on
this beautiful horizon is my
hunger to be independent,
Everything is so good and so
secure for me and it has been.
that way ali my life. Had a
geod childhood and an

enjoyable rapport with my —

parents. Met ‘‘John’’ at
school and after a while we
were married. Everything
has been fine almost all the
time since. The only thing is
that everything has been
handed to me all my life. I’ve
mever had to ‘‘make it’? on
my own. | don’t even know if
Ihave any guts or self-suffic-
iency. Pve got te find out and

tha. only wayw T bnaw fc to get

the or ay LT knew
out of my marriage. I have a
fairly healthy bank account in
my own name and can afferd
to get some training and then
get my very first job and pay
my own way. That’s what I
must do to be sure of my own
self-sufficiency. Do you see
that I must prove to myself
my. ability to be free and
independent?

Yes, I see your .

_exciting
chance to be four whole

ways it pleases me. But I’m
afraid you are choosing way

that will not ‘‘prove’’ as
much as you. want proven.
You can be much more sure
of your freedom and self-
sufficiency and

dence, if, you select another

option. Instead of leaning on — 1
_your bank-roll and getting

out from under your respon-
sibilities (and your happiness
and privileges) by showing
yourseif you are free of John
and independent of John and

BMAA GER

self-sufficient without John,

why not do a much more’

difficult thing? Why _ not
**prove’’ to yourself that you
can be free WITH John and
self-sufficient WITH John
and independent WITH
John? If your marriage is as
great and rewarding as you

Say it is, all you’d prove by —

following your plan would be
that you have an extraordin-
ary amount of guts. You
would NOT prove to yourself
anything much about ‘your
brains or your heart, except

perhaps that you’re a mite

short on each of them. You

and John and your ‘‘two.
happy, healthy, intelligent -
teenacers’’ have a marvell-

_ous opportunity to explore

ways and means that are

open. to you to..be free,

independent and_ self-suff-
icient persons TOGETHER.
You have so much going for
you already that I hope you
will give yourselves . the
(and demanding) .

people, free and together. Or
would

prove your guts?

able’ to secure four ‘‘ex-

perts’’ (ages 16 to 36 years of |

age) who will sit in with the
interested people. Already
the number who want to
attend has zoomed up to

Do you know what she said?

She said, “I’ve tried and
tried to tell you and.to talk

with you, but it just seemed.

to me that you never heard
me, or if you did, you never
took me seriously.’’ I sup-
pose that’s what happened,
but it is an awful surprise to
ime. Now the worst comes.
Because she came back after
a couple of weeks the last
time, I thought she would
again and, I didn’t get too
worked up “il she told me the
other day that now that she’s
on her own she is real happy

_and relieved and it was the

best thing she’d ever done! I
think she really means It this

time and I don’t know how to .

handle it at all. I guese ! have
been awfully stupid because
I really think she’s great.
When I talked to her. the
other day, I got the feeling
she was not so upset about
my drinking and girl friends

and “nights with the boys’’

as she was over me not
hearing her. She sald she
never had the feeling that I

had any real caring for her. If |

she only knew how much [|
care she might think differ-
ently. What do I do?

STEWART: Any — chance
you have THREE wives who
have all left you for the same

reason? Because I have three >

of them coming for counsel-
ling who say exactly the
same thing you wife is
saying. All of them have said
to me at one time or another,
‘He is so insensitive! He
doesn’t scem to have any
idea about my _ feelings.”
One of them said, ‘‘I'm mad
about his drinking and

about 30. There’s been a lot

of ‘“‘Hey can I bring my

friend with me.’’ If it seems
appropriate, I’ll let The News

readers have a report in this.

column.

’

playing around, but what I’m
maddest about is that he
WANTS to do it and he just
does it no matter what it
means to me.’’

What do you do now?
Well, if you have been jolted
into your senses enough to
see what you’ve been like,
ask yourself if that’s the sort
of person you ‘want to be. If
you don’t like what you see in
yourself and want to become
more sensitive and feeling

. and caring with those you

love (especially your wife) be
sure you let- her know about
your new understanding of
yourself and your desire to
change. Let her know that
whether she comes back or
not, you are going to
‘‘become the ‘change you
want to see happen’’ in
yourself. Tell her you see
what has driven her up the
wall. Then, if you can, tell
her you will need three or
four months to get into your
growing and that it’s OK
with you for her to stay on
her own during that time, but
that you will hope she will
have a good talk with you at
the end of that time and see
if there are then some hopes
of your making a great
marriage together. If she
feels so happy and relieved
about being on her own, |
think you'd be making a big
mistake right now to try to
talk her out of it. Let her have
what she has already taken
and use the time to find your
own real self. But don’t
fiddle around at it. Get into
some counselling and really
work at it. Give her time. You
need it.

‘indepen- |

you rather run to.

7 : a 13: a ancl: 16,1977 N = f/Shore News wos

= . . ad

- Fitness. In your heart you know it’s right.

PAARNGPETEN

...... OR HOW TO HAVE
4 NEW SPRING OUTFITS
FOR THE PRICE OF ONE
READY MADE beeeeeeeeees

SHOP GOLD’S FABRICS AND SAVE
EFFECTIVE TIL SAT. MARCH 19TH

| MAKE IT TODAY WEAR IT’
| TONITE

60’? WIDE
SOLIDS — PRINTS |
REG. ee .g7 REG. gm.97

3.99

yd

SUMMER. -BRIGH FOR
FUN IN THE SUN “COTTON,
AND POLYESTER
BOTTOM: WEIGHT —
45”’ WIDE — |

FASHION LENO

IT’S ONLY NATURAL!! |

GREAT FOR SUNDRESSES

AND KAFTANS

POLYESTER AND COTTON
45”’ WIDE :

K-KLOTH —

THE SUPER SPRING
BOTTOM WEIGHT
50% COTTON 50%
POLYESTER 45”’ WIDE

HOMESPUN - ||
FOR THE RUGGED LOOK
- OF YESTERYEAR 85%

COTTON |
15% ACETATE 45”’ WIDE

SPRING SUITINGS

CO-ORDINATES.
MAKE YOUR EASTER

BRUSHED DENIM

POLYESTER
“47 |

SUIT NOW SOFT

COLOURS 45" Mi og

45% POLYESTER - REG

45% COTTON

10% ACRYLIC CARAVAN STRIPES

60"’ WIDE REG. 4.99 BRIGHT AND |

SEERSUCKER PRINTS = DRamatic stripes

SUMMER FUN

SUNDRESSES AT orve8 47

45"" WIDE 100% *'vVd REG 2D

COTTON REG. 2.99 y mee yd
Brenden Ol land 22000 Granville & 11th Av e108 George H
ce GOLD'S. a . itth & Arbut us ° . victoman *oroouy
cM, nalphastiads Mon Wed gat gea0-0 The eto. (at od St.) st 1586 uilliside Ave.
FABRICS 435 North Rd, (Cariboo Gontre PRINCEGEORGE

Mon, Tues, Sat 0:30-6; Wed, Fri 0:30-0 * Pine Centra Shopping Mall